New Platform

In order to make myself more electable, I've decided to change my platform to what works for everyone else. Foreign policy: more wars and a base in every country! Fiscal policy: buy newer, faster printing presses for the Fed! Agriculture: raise unicorns and sell them for gold! Bailouts: one million dollars per household, one billion per corporate executive! (They have a lifestyle to support.) Homeland security: a counterterrorism agent in every home! Congressional affairs: open an investigation to find out if any other members of Congress have ever called anyone a liar!